Silent Empathy: the art of remaining calm in difficult situations
How to control your emotions in a tight spot
Have you ever wondered why some people keep their cool when they’re having stressful conversations?
How do they stop their emotions from hijacking their thoughts and behaviour?
My old boss rarely raised his voice or became angry, even when confronted by volatile characters, but he was certainly no push over - I would describe him as “quietly assertive”.
It’s certainly an enviable trait, which he utilises to great effect in de-escalating and taking control of situations and finding mutually acceptable resolutions to issues. I asked him how he managed to remain so calm, particularly when a conversation become “difficult” - and he told me about an effective tool he used called "silent empathy".
Silent empathy is a quick process that can be used to identify what the other person may need, emotionally or physically, in that moment.
By understanding others in this way, it enables you to calm down, as you see the them as human, and not as the cause of your stress.
Silent Empathy can be considered a two step process:
Step One: If possible, try to take a "time out" from the situation.
Ask for a 10 minute break or state that you need to go to the bathroom, take a walk, etc.
If you are unable to take a break, simply do the second step silently in your head while the other person is speaking.
Step Two: Now imagine what may be causing the other person’s intensity - which of their needs are not being satisfied.
Just take a guess silently.
You don't need to be correct - the simple act of trying to identify their requirements will work to calm your brain and hold off your anger.
The key point of this technique is, that it allows you to focus on the other person as human being, with their own needs and stresses, and just not as an aggressor who wants to cause you stress.
The EBW View
The Silent Empathy technique is, of course, not the most the sophisticated tool for dealing with difficult situations. It is however a useful starting point, that will get your colleagues and clients to begin thinking about how to manage their reactions and stop their emotions from being hijacked by tricky situations or difficult people.
It is a technique that works best after feedback from an EBW Business EQ Assessment, which boosts an individual's Emotional Intelligence at work.
As your colleagues and clients practise the technique they will find that stressful situations with difficult people become easier and more manageable.
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